Mediation is an opportunity for you and your spouse to resolve the case yourselves without as much court intervention.  In the long run, cases seem to be resolved more successfully because the people who know the most about the case and who have the most invested in the outcome of the case (you and your spouse) are the ones who are deciding how things will be resolved.

Typically, mediation begins with you and your attorney in one room and your spouse and his/her attorney in a separate room.  The mediator is typically another attorney, though they do not have to be, who has been trained by the South Carolina Bar in Family Court mediation.  The mediator will explain the process and their role and a few rules about mediation.  After these introductions with both parties, the mediator will begin discussing the specifics of the case with each party.

The mediator’s job is not to make any decisions or to tell you or your spouse that they are wrong and should do what you want them to do.  The mediator’s job is to help you and your spouse understand what is at stake and to help you find some common ground on the issues.

The hopeful outcome of your mediation will be a complete agreement.  However, if you are not able to resolve all issues in your case but you are able to resolve some your mediation will still have been a success because you will have eliminated some of the contested issues resulting in less court time required for the trial of your case and lower attorney fees.

Good luck mediating your case!

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In South Carolina, all family court mediations are confidential on several levels.  First, when you communicate something to your mediator, you can specify that you do not wish for the mediator to share that with the opposing party.  Second, everything you discuss in mediation is confidential so that if you and your spouse do not settle the case at mediation, you do not have to worry about them bringing up what you offered in trial.  The mediator cannot be called to testify about the mediation and his notes cannot be subpoenaed.

This confidentiality gives you a “free bite at the apple” so to speak.  You have an opportunity to be creative with your spouse to resolve the contested issues in your case.  You may make some offers that you ordinarily would not in an effort to settle the case without fear that they could be used against you later on.

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So what is mediation?  Most simply, mediation is a negotiation meeting between you and your spouse.  It acts as a chance to get everyone “to the table” so to speak where the case can be discussed and hopefully all of your issues can be resolved without a trial.

Generally, you and your spouse will be sitting in separate rooms with your attorneys and the mediator will go back and forth between the rooms to assist you in finding some common ground and helping you to see how things more clearly about your case.  While a mediator is often an attorney who has experience with similar cases to yours, the mediator is a neutral who has no experience with you or your spouse and they can not give you legal advice about your case.

There are several rules that you should know about before going to mediation.  First, everything that is discussed at mediation is confidential.  That means if you and your spouse are not able to work out an agreement whatever you have discussed cannot be brought up at trial and used against you.  That means you get a free bite at the apple.  You may offer something to your spouse as a way to settle your case that you don’t necessarily believe they are entitled to.  But, if you do not settle your case they can’t throw that back in your face later on.

The next thing you need to know about mediation is that many issues are settled there.  Mediation is a success if only some of the issues are settled – even if the entire case is not resolved.  This saves you money and time in the long run because you are not forced to litigate every single issue in your case.  What?!?  Let’s just use the following facts as a sample.  You file for divorce against your husband and you seek custody of your children, child support, reasonable visitation for your husband, property division (specifically your husband’s 401(k) and the marital home) and alimony.  At mediation you can’t come to an agreement on alimony or how much you feel you should get from your husband’s retirement account, but you do settle the custody, child support and visitation issue.  This means you don’t have to worry about the expense of a Guardian ad Litem for your children and you do not have to litigate the sticky child custody issue that could take up significant time in the final trial.

One thing I like to urge people when I mediate their divorce case is not to assume that the case won’t settle.  Many cases seem to start out a long way apart, but end up settling many (if not all) of the issues.

Do you need more information about divorce mediation?  Comment below or send me your questions.

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